Past and future life dreams
The psychologist Carl Jung wrote that ‘the greatest damage to the child is the unlived life of the parents’.
On countless occasions, I have met adults who speak of their childhood dreams of becoming primary teachers, midwives, engineers, architects, artists and so on. During coaching sessions many people in their mid-thirties and forties talk about their dreams to connect with children, deliver babies, create art, write poetry or to create something lasting like a bridge or a building. A renewed energy, pride, confidence and personal satisfaction returns to their lives when they revisit and live out their original dreams. Re-visiting dreams in life can require a lot of life changes and upheaval but it leads to a contented and rich life. All too often, we place our own unfulfilled dreams upon our children.
Sometimes, parents who did not go to college or parents who struggle to get steady work can overvalue education and place too much pressure on their children to achieve. They want their children to have the best options possible. It is useful to step back and examine our own motivations and desires for our children; and see how much of it is actually in their interest and how much of it is the transference of our dreams onto them.
Consider these questions:
What dreams did you have as a teenager that you let go of?
What talents have you still to express in your life?
How close or far away are you today from living your dreams?
Looking at your own dreams is time well spent and puts you in a better position to help your teenager connect with, speak about and make their dreams come true. Teenagers without a dream or vision can often be unmotivated and removed from their learning. I have seen many teenagers unable to focus or study as they didn’t know what to do with their lives or what direction to go towards. Helping your teenager clarify their future dream gives their learning more meaning in relation to their overall plan. In my experience, dreams can provide the ‘lightbulb’ moment for a teenager to engage with school.
Try to make some time to have a conversation with your child about their ideal future life, without the constraints of time, money or ability.
Ask them…
What do they see in their dream future?
What are they doing?
What are other people saying when they have their ideal future?
What will I hear you saying when you have got it?
What will I see you doing when you got it?
What will you gain when you have got it?
What will you lose?
Is it worth the cost to you?
This could be a very important and memorable conversation for both of you. Bear in mind the dreams you had at their age and remember, it’s never too late to revisit them, but let your child have their own dreams. Living out our dreams is not a selfish act, but rather a gift to our families and those around us.
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