Moving out of our comfort zones: What are we REALLY afraid of?
We all like our comfort zones. These are situations and habits that we have grown accustomed to, whether it be in work, social groups, family or day to day routine. Humans, however, also usually want to better themselves or their lives, whether that means earning more money, losing or gaining weight, achieving a goal, moving to a nicer house etc. The problem arises in the gap between where we are and actually taking the steps to get to where we would like to be. In my experience, there are too many adults walking around with unlived dreams in their hearts. Dwelling on these dreams and doing nothing to make them a reality can lead to regret and feelings of being cheated by life. Sometimes there are very good reasons why we choose not to follow a particular dream, but usually it is because we prefer our safe, familiar, and yes sometimes, disappointing lives to setting our sights too high and risking failure.
Change can be a wonderful phenomenon - think of a butterfly emerging from its chrysalis – but it can also be a very frightening prospect. More often than not, changing just seems like too much hard work and we decide that living with our regrets, our ‘should haves’, ‘would haves’ and ‘could haves’ is preferable to dipping our feet in the unknown waters of change. Marianne Williamson, the well-known spiritual teacher wrote ‘Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us’. The following story by Francis Padinjarakera illustrates this idea that often it is a deep-rooted fear of success, not failure, that keeps us in our comfort zones:
Treasures
One of the disciples told a sage (wise man) that contact with him had turned his life upside - down. ‘I had come to dip my toes in the water but now I am in deep waters’.
‘If it is safety you wanted you should have stayed on the shore’, said the sage; ‘but the security of the land would have been a prison for your spirit’.
‘I see that now. Yet the fear is still there,’ conceded the disciple.
‘ Great treasures are found in the depths of the ocean and my job is to help you take the plunge’, the sage said. ‘It’s ironic, but your fear is of your own depth and the vastness of the treasures within!’
This week, promise yourself that you will move out of your comfort zone and take steps towards realizing a long-held dream or goal. It may be something as small as enrolling in an art or writing class; joining a new networking group; or taking a course to upskill that will bring you closer to securing your ideal job. Spend some time thinking of what it would be like to achieve your goal, what would it feel like? If someone took a picture of you when you had achieved your goal, what would it look like? Whenever you find yourself slipping back into your comfort zone remind yourself of this picture and the positive feelings that accompany it. They say that nothing is impossible if you put your mind to it, but if you don’t try, how will you ever know?