Find the ‘Gold’ in your teenager and enhance their confidence
Lack of confidence and low self-esteem can stop us from achieveing our potential in all areas of our lives. Studies show that by the time we are 18 years old we will have been praised, supported and encouraged about 2,500 times. 50% of these occasions will have been before the age of three! By the time we reach 18 we will have been criticised, scolded, belittled, and told we are stupid around 22,500 times. No wonder many people grow up with a negative mindset that they keep for the rest of their lives! Every parent wants their teenager to be confident and to make choices that will lead to their happiness and success in the future. As a parent you have the power to boost your child’s positive mindset and self- esteem. So how can you do this?
In my experience, the best place to begin, is to focus on your child’s strengths, their positive behaviour and attributes, or what I call, the ‘gold’ within. This can be difficult, particularly if your teen is presenting with challenging behaviour. Sometimes the ‘gold’ has grown so dull, it can be difficult to find amongst all the rocks; and if you can’t find positives in your child’s personality, they certainly won’t be able to either. Make a concerted effort to let your teen know why you admire, love and like them. This can be associated with an event, an achievement, a kind gesture or an obstacle they overcame. Point out what seems to be working well for them and what they are doing well. As much as possible, focus on their personal qualities and their inner selves rather than their appearance or competitive achievements. The following words may act as prompters:
Clever, insightful, useful, thoughtful, caring, innovative, practical, hardworking, generous, wise, patient, flexible, effective, supportive, healthy, dependable, attentive, perceptive, skilled, articulate, careful, considerate, organised, expert, gentle, invaluable, interesting, kind, quick thinking and so on.
Link their qualities to the world of work and commend them when they do soemthing positive .
e.g. Teen: ‘Dad I called around to Spar to see if there were any summer jobs’.
Parent response: ‘That’s very mature of you….calling in to the shop shows that you have real initiative’.
Teen: ‘I don’t think there will be any jobs out there for me when I finish college’.
Parent response: ‘I know you have the drive and enthusiasm to create your own opportunities regardless of the jobs market’.
The more you express confidence in your teen, the more confidence they will have in themselves. Make a conscious effort to find the ‘gold’ within your teenager and to take it out and polish it. You may be pleasantly surprised with the value of what you discover.